Together We See Roses
by Natalie Elizabeth
Summary: There is something about the relationship between pen and paper. One can exist with out the other but they choose not to. What happens when Beckett stumbles across one of Castle's notepads. Set before Watershed


**Together We See Roses**

**By**

**Natalie Elizabeth**

Beckett rolled over in bed and sighed. She hadn't been able to get any sleep, or at least it felt that way. Her mind kept going over everything that had happened with their last case. She hadn't really taken Stack's offer seriously until Castle had started talking about a new life. Was this job offer an opportunity for her to start a new life? Beckett rolled her eyes at the stupidity of it.

New life!

Did such a thing even exist? Rolling over she punched her pillow a few times before slamming her head down on it. She moved around on the bed a few times but stoped when she heard Castle groan. Beckett sighed before climbing out of bed, she was disturbing him. Looking at the clock next to the bed she saw that it was 6 am. The sun would be making its way into the sky soon, there was no point trying to sleep now.

Walking over the wardrobe she pulled out her gym gear. She marvelled at how many of her clothes were hanging next to his. She had only slept in her own bed once that month. Martha had been hosting some crazy event at the loft so Castle had joined her too. A bag with a few more of her clothes had made the journey back to the loft the next day. There were hardly any of her clothes at her apartment anymore.

Changing into gym gear Beckett grabbed her I phone and attached it to her arm using her special strap. Selecting the playlist she wanted, Beckett quietly walked out of the room. She only made it a few steps into Castle's office when she stopped. Going for a run when she was so confused wasn't exactly a good idea. It would only fester and by the end of the run she would be even more agitated.

Sighing Beckett walked over to Castle desk and sat down. What she needed to do was look at the facts. Pulling open a drawer she took out a note pad and pen.

Right!

A pro and con list, that's what she needed to do. She needed to write a list of pros and cons for interviewing for the job. Then maybe she would be able to go for a run with a clear mind. After that hopefully she would be able to get some sleep. She drew a line down the middle of the page and then wrote pros and cons at the top of each column.

Beckett bit the end of the pen while thinking. Pro, the job would mean further career advancement. The ability to help more people. The ability to get closer to Senator Bracken! Beckett wrote the first two pros down and then stopped at the third. She had become a cop so she could solve her mother's murder, but that wasn't the reason she stayed one. One day Bracken would pay for what he did but would it be abusing her authority to do it this way?

Beckett left the third pro of her list and then moved onto the 'Con' list for now.

D.C. meant, no Lanie, Ryan or Esposito. She quickly wrote that down on her list. Beckett looked up from the page and her eyes immediately fell on a picture of Castle, Martha and Alexis. D.C. didn't have to mean no Castle, he was a writer, he could write anywhere. Beckett bit her lip. D.C. would mean no Martha and Alexis. The two women had become an important part of her life now. Yes Washington was only a 4 hour drive in good traffic, which meant 5 hours in reality but it was only just over an hour flight. It wouldn't be hard to travel back and forth for visits. Beckett lowered her head to her desk. Who was she kidding? It didn't matter how close New York was to D.C. it would be nearly impossible to visit. It was hard enough catching up with her father with her work schedule now and they lived in the same state.

Her father.

Beckett quickly lifted her head and wrote his name on the 'Con' list. He was in New York, could she leave him again? When her mother had been killed Beckett had been reluctant to let her father out of her sight. Her traumatised mind had her thinking if she had never let her mother out of her sight then maybe she wouldn't have been killed. She was better now and her father was no longer drinking but could she leave him? Thinking about her father had her thinking about Castle, a father. Beckett knew Alexis had stayed close to home because family was very important to her. Could Beckett take that away from her by asking Castle to come with her? Could she go without him?

Beckett's eyes slammed shut as pain shot through her heart. She had to take a few breaths to calm herself down. Nausea swept over her. Leaving Castle! Leaving her father! Leaving Martha and Alexis. Leaving her friends. Beckett took a few more deep breaths. She couldn't do it. Opening her eyes Beckett stared down at the paper in front of her. She gripped the pen tightly and quickly began scribbling out the 'Pro' list. There were no 'Pros' in accepting a job in D.C. Career advancement, Beckett scoffed! Since when did she care about that? Stack said she could help more people, but what was quantity when she had quality. She liked the one on one interaction with the victims' families. She understood what they were going through and was able to help them as much as she could. No every officer could say that. She felt as if she could do more for the victims by being down there in the trenches than from high up. Stack said she was a forward thinker. Would he have thought the same thing if he had met her 6 years ago? Before Castle.

Castle.

Where's your heart? That's what Stack had asked. She hadn't been able to answer him then but she knew the answer now. She turned around and looked at the room she had just left. She knew where her heart was. It was currently laying in bed snoring. A smile twitched to her lips, she had been meaning to record him snoring as blackmail. He insisted he never did it and accused her of lying when she told him he did. He didn't do it often and it was more of a whistle than a snore but he still did it.

Beckett turned back to her note pad and rolled her eyes. The stupid things you did at 5 am. Tearing the sheet of paper off the pad she quickly leaned over and put the evidence of her stupidly through the shredder. It was like a hot shower on a cold day. The sensation at seeing the paper destroyed was relaxing and warming. Beckett stood up with the intention of going back to bed and warming something else up. Picking up the notepad she went to place it in the drawer so Castle would never know how stupid she had been. The drawer was filled with numerous notepads and pens but Beckett's eyes locked onto one pad in particular. She knew Castle often liked to hand write sections of his novels. He had tons of journals filled with random paragraphs some made it into his books others didn't. Except it wasn't the names Nikki, Jameson or Derrick that was scrawled across the page it was Kate.

Picking up the notepad her lip began to tremble as she read the words on the page. She swallowed deeply and squeezed her eyes shut before opening them again trying to clear her vision. It wasn't possible. She couldn't be reading those words. There must be some mistake. Beckett looked at the notepad, it wasn't the top page she was looking at. Several others had been written on and folded over the top of the spine. Beckett flicked them back down to see if there was some explanation for the words she had read. The words were different but page after page had the same theme. Beckett took a few steps back and stumbled into Castle chair. The chair glided easily across the floor and banged into the hutch behind it. In the quiet loft the small collision sounded like an explosion.

Beckett heard a sound coming from the bedroom.

"Beckett,"

Beckett looked frantically around the room.

"Yeah Castle,"

"What are you doing?"

Beckett looked at the notepad in her hand before shoving it into the front pocket of her sweat shirt.

"I'm just going for a run,"

Beckett then fled from the loft.

She ran and ran and ran. She didn't even bother putting her music on, she just ran. The note pad kept jostling in her pocket so she took it out and held it in her hand and she sprinted through the city. No destination in mind she just needed to run, to get away. Away from the words on notepad in her hand.

It wasn't until her chest, arms and legs started burning that she felt herself starting to slow down. As if she had no control of her body she felt her legs guide her to a swing set. The "swing set". The swings that had changed her life. When Castle had practically shut her down at his book sighing she needed to escape. She couldn't run with her injury so she had headed to the swings across the road. Whenever she had a bad day at school her mother would always take her to her local playground. She would sit on the swings and swing out her anxiety. That day she had been drawn to them in order to find some peace. She had found it when Castle had joined her. For the first time in what seemed like forever she opened up. Spoke to Castle of her fears and hopes for the future. A future for them. Returning to the swings after she had nearly been killed had given her the clarity she needed. Sitting in the rain looking at the vacant swing next to her had shown her what her future would be like if she didn't do something. Now she had ventured back there without realising it. Was it because she was also looking for clarity?

Sitting on the swing Beckett took out the notepad. Taking a deep breath Beckett held the notepad up in front of her. Castle's elegant script filled the pages. It wasn't the chicken scratch that Ryan called writing, or the all capital letter style Espo used. It was neat cursive and most of it was crossed out with a single line. He obviously didn't like what he had written considering their were pages and pages of crossed out sentences. It was still decipherable however.

_Kate. You light up my world like nobody else. The way you flip your hair gets me over whelmed. But when you smile at the ground it aint hard to tell.  
You don't know. You don't know you're beautiful!_

Beckett did smile then at Castle words. She lit up his world. He thought she was beautiful. Beckett then frowned. The words seemed familiar. She then let out a groan and placed a hand over her face in embarrassment.

One Direction!

He was quoting that one direction song. What makes you Beautiful. Alexis had been blaring that song a few weeks ago and it had gotten stuck in her head. It seemed it had the same effect on Castle.

Beckett laughed. Well it made sense why he had scrubbed that one out.

_Kate. I think about you more than I blink._

Beckett smiled at the sweet words, they to seemed familiar though. The one underneath it to.

_Kate. You're sexy, you're cute. You're popular to boot._

After a few seconds it came to her. He had stolen that one from the opening lines of the cheerleading movie Bring it On. Castle would probably blame that on Alexis too. Beckett felt giddy at Castle thinking she was sexy and cute though. She may be a bad ass detective as Castle often referred to her but at the core she was still a woman. Flipping over the page she gaped at the words in shock. It as if Castle had been reading her mind.

_I am just a boy standing in front of girl asking her to love him._

He had switched it around a little but she recognised it regardless. Julia Roberts had said that to Hugh Grant in Notting Hill. Castle was quoting movie and music to tell her how he felt. He was using someone else's words but the sentiment was still the same. Castle was asking her to love him, and she did, so much.

She hated how she had waited until she thought she was going to be blown up to tell him. It hadn't been out of desperation. Well not exactly. She had been waiting for the right moment to tell him that she loved him. Castle was all into pageantry and she had wanted to do it just right for him. The time just never came up, or if it did it was usually interrupted by Esposito. Castle hadn't seemed all that overjoyed by her admission. The timing was lousy and he probably thought those were going to be the last words she uttered. Or maybe because he thought it was a forced admission. It wasn't. She just didn't want to leave the world without him knowing how she really felt.

Beckett continued to read the words on the page.

_Your incredible, beautiful and inspir_

Beckett bit her lip and smiled. His pen had run out. She couldn't work out what he had written but it was obvious he had attempted to get it going again.

Beckett flipped over the page to continue reading and burst out laughing.

_Does this pen work? Yes it does but I don't like the way the pen feels. Stupid pen!_

Beckett then noticed the color and thickness of the ink changed on the next written line.

_How about this one? Oh yes this one writes better. Too bad I can't say the same thing about me. I'm a writer! It shouldn't be hard to write a proposal._

Proposal!

The reason Beckett had gone tearing out of the loft.

She hadn't gotten to the page that had ignited shock, fear or hope in her. Just seeing the word proposal had those feelings flooding back.

Taking a deep breath she turned over the page.

_Kate, I once referred to you as my work wife. (Insert Beckett eye roll here) Will you be my wife when we aren't at work? _

Insert Beckett eye roll. Did he really do that? Predict when she would roll her eyes at his antics. He knew her so well. As soon as she had seen the words work wife she had been tempted to roll her eyes. Her eyes however locked onto one word.

Wife!

The joy that filled her was sudden, fast and unexpected.

Wife!

That was a 4 letter word right?

Just after Ryan got married Esposito had a 'wife' jar on his desk. He had been opposed to having such a thing so close to him until Castle had explained the reason. Since coming back from his honeymoon Ryan had been dropping the 'My Wife' line instead of saying Jenny. 'My Wife' made me lunch. 'My wife' bought me a new tie. Whenever he did that he had to place a dollar in the jar. Esposito had practically gotten hives whenever he had looked at the jar.

At the time Beckett had simply rolled her eyes at both boys antics. Now looking down at the word wife her eyes weren't moving. What would it be like to know that $100 had made it into the jar within two weeks? Someone had referred to you as their wife, over 100 times in one week and did it proudly?

Beckett flipped over the page and looked at his next attempted. This time she did roll her eyes. Castle had written wife as if it were an acronym. She immediately felt bad once she read his definition for each letter.

**W**_ild_

**I**_ncredible_

**F**_un_

**E**_xtraordinary_

He may have been describing her or what he expected a wife to be. As far as she was concerned he was describing the way she felt when she was with him. Wife!

Beckett flipped over another page. Castle had obviously agonized over this.

_Kate I am annoying but I promise to stop, if you say yes._

_We both know I can't keep out of trouble. Will you be my protector forever?_

_I know I have failed at marriage in the past but I'll try my best._

Beckett's heart broke. He was turning to write a proposal yet all he could think about were his own misgivings. It was as if he didn't think he was worthy of marriage. A ridiculous notion. Castle was an amazing incredible person and obviously she didn't tell him often enough. Turning over the page Beckett sighed at his next attempt. Again pointing out his faults but being so honest.

_Kate. I have married once because it was the honourable thing to do. I tried a second time in an attempt to grow up. I want to get married for a third time but it will be the first time I marry for love. _

The words were so sweet and endearing and yet he had crossed them out like he had so many others. He had crossed them out in favour of the words that were on the next page. Beckett flipped the page and stared at the large heart that had been drawn around the simple words. Nine simple words.

_Kate, _

_I love you._

_Will you marry me?_

_Please_

Beckett traced her finger over the words. The words that had shocked her when she had first seen them. She didn't know why? She was so in love with the man who had written them. He stuck by her when others didn't. He knew when to push and when to back away. Her outlook on life had changed from the moment she met him. The truth was he lit up her world like nobody else. She could be herself when she was with him, she could just be a girl.

Beckett looked at her bare left-hand ring finger.

Yes her heart screamed out. Yes I want to marry you. Yes I want to be your wife. Yes I want to be wild and incredible and have fun and be extraordinary together.

Beckett stood up suddenly and started running again. This time not away, but to. She was going to very sore tomorrow but she didn't care. Castle was worth it. Beckett stopped suddenly and retraced her steps. She stopped in front of a shopwindow and looked inside. Beckett tore her I Phone from her arm took the phone out of its cover. Yes! Castle hadn't stolen the few dollar bills she kept hidden behind her phone cover. The man often carried thousands of dollars in his pocket yet he needed smaller bills for the candy machine. He wasn't above stealing from a cop for a candy fix. Beckett entered the store thankful it was open so early in the morning. She made her small purchase before returning on her journey home.

Home

It had been so long since she felt she had one of those. Now she was returning to one that Castle had created. That Castle had welcomed her in to. He had opened up his world to her and it was about time she did the same. Beckett weaved in and around the city trying to make her way home as fast as she could. She couldn't believe she had run so far and it seemed like it took forever to get home. And she wasn't just talking about the distance. Beckett entered the loft and made her way back into Castle's bedroom, their bedroom.

Castle was still tucked into bed snoring away. She wouldn't record him now; she would have plenty more opportunities in the future. Quietly moving into the bathroom and shed her clothes. She stepped into the shower and quickly rinsed her body. If things went her way she would be getting hot and sweaty again very soon. Hopefully a long soapy shower would also follow. Exiting the bathroom she changed into one of Castle's shirts before getting the gift she had bought for Castle.

She sat on the bed and simply stared at the man she loved. There was no way she could leave him, not ever. Beckett gently shook Castle awake.

"Castle,"

Castle snuggled into to his pillow.

"Rick,"

He rubbed his face into the pillow again but this time opened his eyes.

"Morning, Kate."

Beckett smiled at him. There was just something about the way he said Kate that made her stomach tingle.

"Morning, Rick."

He frowned at her. "Is something wrong?"

Beckett bit her lip. "Yes, kind of."

"Did you want to talk about it?"

Taking a deep breath, Beckett nodded. "Yes,"

Castle closed his eyes and snuggled back into his pillow. "Ok I won't push you. I am always here if you want to talk."

Sorrow swept over Beckett. Castle had just naturally assumed she would say no to talking. It was what she always did and he put up with it. That was going to stop right now.

"Rick,"

His eyes flashed open before he quickly sat up.

"Did you say you wanted to talk," he asked surprised.

Beckett smiled. "Yes I did,"

Castle nodded at her and rubbed his eyes with his hands trying to wake up.

"Ok I'm listening."

Beckett took a deep breath. "I lied to you last night Castle."

His eyes narrowed. "About what?"

"Stack offered me a job in Washington."

Castles eyes opened wide. "Okay,"

Beckett looked down at Castle's hidden present in her hands.

"I didn't tell you because I wasn't even considering it,"

"But," Castle questioned. "Are you telling me because you are now considering it?"

Beckett sighed. " I and trouble sleeping. You said a few things last night about starting a new life. I thought this job could be a good opportunity for me. Stack even tried to convince me that taking this job would mean I could help more people."

Castle didn't say a word, he just took everything in.

Beckett bit her lip. "Is it wrong not wanting to help more people?"

Castle eyes lit up. "Does that mean you're not going to take the job?" his mouth gaped open as if realising he had verbalised his thoughts. "Umm I mean not it's not wrong. Don't belittle what you do now. You give people what they need. Answers. That's an honourable thing."

Beckett smiled. "Thank you,"

"I'll follow you to Washington if that's what you want. I'll support you no matter what decision you make."

Beckett could tell how hard it was for Castle to tell her that. Even Scooby Doo could figure out he wanted her to stay.

"I appreciate that Castle. You're not angry I didn't tell you?"

Castle seemed to think about it for a second. "You're telling me now, that's what's important."

"I love you, Castle,"

"Why do I feel like I am getting the brush off here?"

Beckett laughed at Castle's stupidity.

"And I love your family."

"They love you to," he told her.

"I could never have gone to D.C. without you. I realised earlier that I couldn't go and live my life without your family. They are important to me Castle, just like my father, Lanie and the guys are. My job is no longer my life Castle. It's an important part just like my friends and family are. And you, you are a very important part of my life. A part that I'd like to make permanent,"

Castle narrowed his eyes at her. "I don't understand."

"You deserve so much more than this," she told him.

There was no sky writer or big parade, just her. Beckett slid of the bed and got down on one knee.

"What are you doing?" he asked her. "Do you need to tie your shoe?"

Beckett smiled. He once asked her that when she had given him her gun. She had trusted him then with her gun, now she was trusting him with her heart.

"No," Beckett opened up her hands and offered Castle her gift. "Here."

Castle frowned. "You're giving me a candy heart."

Beckett bit her lip nervously. "I'm giving you my heart."

Castle shook his head and opened his mouth a few times as if to respond. A grin broke out on Beckett's face at Castle's confusion.

"Rick. I love you. Will you marry me? Please."

Castles eyes opened wide before his face grew to a joker style grin.

"You.. Me... Us.." Castle stammered.

Beckett nodded at him. "If you're ready for this."

Castle blinked a few times in response.

"I saw your notepad and the thought of marriage scared me at first. I ran. I ran from here, I ran from you. When I stopped running and actually read your words I realised you're just as scared as me. We have both made mistakes in the past with relationships and we don't want to make them again. If you say yes I promise ill try my best at marriage. I'll annoy you with my stubbornness and ill need you to keep me out of trouble."

Castle laughed.

"Rick. Will you protect me forever?"

"Always,"

Beckett sighed in frustration. "Castle will you marry me,"

Castle slid down to the floor in front of her.

"Yes,"

The end.


End file.
